Warning: The following sections contain unmarked spoilers. Read at your own risk.
NOTE: RidleyFAQs will now be exclusively written ON THIS PAGE. RidleyFAQs threads WILL be made on GameFAQs, but only for discussion/publicity. No chapters will be written on GameFAQS, due to Chapter 22 being lost due to the dumbshit mods.
Chapter One: RidleyEdit
Ridley: I am so evil, I stole Samus' computer!
Samus appears out of nowhere, looking through Ridley's window with the angriest of angry faces. Ridley breaks the window and throws her into space.
Ridley: Next tuesday, Samus.
Ridley: I've heard about the new Smash Bros. I wanna talk about it too!
Ridley finds GameFAQS on a bing search.
Ridley: Yeah, I use Bing. Google is for scrubs.
Ridley browses through the topic list.
Ridley: "Ridley is too big" Aww come on, this guy is really saying this excuse?
Ridley posts "Ridley is not too big" under the account name "Ridley"
Ridley: Man, what's this guy's problem? I ain't too big, and I ain't a boss. Stupid green pokemon man!
Ridley finds one of LordCarlisle's Ghirahim topics. Ridley is dissapointed.
Ridley: These people want GHIRAHIM but not ME?
There's a knock on Ridley's door. Ridley gets up from his 50 foot chair and opens it.
Ridley: Oh... Hey Ghirahim.
Ghirahim: Hey Ridley! Guess what?
Ghirahim holds up an envelope with the Smash symbol on it.
Ghirahim: I got an invitation to Smash! Did you get yours yet?
Ghirahim: Well that's too bad. I'm sure you'll get yours soon.
A head pokes out the window of Ghirahim's limozine he stole from Samus.
LordCarlisle: HURRY UP BABY!! WE'RE GONNA BE LATE!
Ghirahim: Oh yeah, I gotta go to a date with my new boyfriend! See ya around Ridley!
Ghirahim gets back in the limo with LordCarlisle, and they drive away. Off a cliff. Then it explodes.
Chapter Two: Ridley meets GameFAQsEdit
Ridley: Well... this is stupid.
Some random guy falls into Ridley's room, breaking his roof.
Ridley: Again?!? That's the third time this week!
2 more people falls through Ridley's roof, but making more holes.
Ridley: ARE YOU SERIOUS
Energyman2289: No time to explain, cmon Ridley!
Ridley: who the hell are you
Energyman2289: No time to explain, cmon Ridley!
Ridley: answer my question!
Energyman2289: No time to explain, cmon Ridley!
Ridley: Who the hell are you guys anyway?
SmashingBros: We are the Elite GameFAQS Squad of Awesomeness
Ridley: sounds stupid
SmashingBros: We know. But there's an eeeeevilllll team of trolls trying to shut down GameFAQS and turn it into a evil hellspawn trollfest!
Mikokiri: it kinda already is...
SmashingBros: True. But they're trying to make it worse!
Ridley: And why do you need my help?
Energyman2289: because you are Ridley! You are the ultimate Smash Bros request! You have the power of the "Too Big Stones"
Ridley: uh, come again
Energyman2289: The "Too Big Stones"
Ridley: I wish I had a GameFAQS perspective....
Mikokiri: There are 7 "Too Big Stones" scattered around the GameFAQS universe. If they are all put together, they create a Mega Stone for you, Ridley. You become "Mega Ridley in his Sports Outfit X"
Ridley: This makes no sense.
SmashingBros: Of course!
Energyman2289: Well, we gotta find the first Too Big Stone!
Energyman2289: Squadala, we are off!
Chapter Three: In which Ridley does nothingEdit
Ridley: So where's the first Too Big Stone located?
Mikokiri: It seems to be located in Chrobville, which seems to be 100 miles north of here.
Ridley: Wait... so where'd you get this ship?
SmashingBros: We stole it from Samus.
Ridley: Ohh, I see.
2 hours later...
Mikokiri: I see Chrobville!
Energyman2289: Okay, landing!
And so they landed in Chrobville.
A random guy with Elvis hair, an orange shirt, and yellow shorts runs up to them.
Michaellol: You! You must be new!
SmashingBros: Uhh, yeah?
Michaellol: DO YOU SUPPORT DIHSO FOR OUR QUEEN?
SmashingBros: Go away, Michaellol.
Michaellol: DIHSO FOR QUEEN!
Michaellol runs off, Ridley questions life, and they walk through town. They enter the market, passing by a bunch of stands selling Corn on the Chrob.
Ridley: Chrob? Don't they mean Chrom?
Energyman2289: Shhh! Don't say that around here!
SmashingBros: Because, this is GameFAQS. Don't ever question GameFAQS.
Mikokiri: My Ridley Radar is picking up a Too Big Stone!
Mikokiri: It seems to be in the possession of someone! No wait... THREE people!
Ridley: Well let's go after them! Hop on my back!
Energyman, SmashingBros, and Mikokiri ride on Ridley's back as they chase the three people on the radar.
Mikokiri: I see them! Down there! Fly down, Ridley!
Mikokiri: Aha! We got you now!
Chorus Man 1: Woah woah woah... Can't you see we're busy with something?
Chorus Man 2: Yeah, we're in a hurry and gotta go somewhere, could you please move your giant dragon?
Ridley: That's MR. Giant Dragon to you!
Chorus Man 3: Oh great, he caught up to us...
NintendoIsBeast: Why hello, Elite GameFAQS Squad... How nice to see you again...
Chapter Four: The Too Big StoneEdit
Ridley: Who's this clown?
Energyman2289: That's NintendoIsBeast, one of the main trolls of GameFAQS.
Ridley: What's trolling?
Energyman2289: He makes topics based around making people mad because he feeds off of anger.
Ridley: Sounds like a no-lifer.
NintendoIsBeast: I HEARD THAT!
NintendoIsBeast takes out a walkie-talkie from his pocket and whispers into it.
NintendoIsBeast: Requesting backup. Ridley called me a no-lifer.
Smoke fills the area, and 2 people walk out from behind NintendoIsBeast.
User728: I told you guys he was too big! [laughs] He's like 10 feet tall!
NoJobBob: So you guys are just gonna protect the little marshmallow men or are you gonna let us have the Too Big Stone?
SmashingBros: What are you gonna do with the Too Big Stone? Only Ridley can use it!
NoJobBob: We looked over that, and found a solution.
User728 whistles. Something flies above and blocks out the sun. It flies down and smashes the ground, causing a small crater surrounding where it landed.
Meta Ridley: Suuuuuup.
Ridley: *snaps fingers* Oh heeeeeellllll naw!
User728: We called over Meta Ridley to help us with our little... how can I put this... fun time.
SmashingBros: I gotta say...
Chapter Five: The Too Big Stone: For Real This Time... Maybe?Edit
Meta Ridley: Come on, Ridley... We promise to put you in Smash... if you gives us the Too Big Stone...
Meta Ridley: Yeah! Don't you want to be in Smash?? We can convince Mr. Sakurai...
Ridley: Well... Sounds tempting...
Energyman2289: Don't do it Ridley! You still have a chance!
Ridley: Okay, Meta Ridley... I'll do it.
Energyman, SmashingBros, Mikokiri, and the Chorus Men jump onto Ridley's back, and Ridley flies off...
NintendoIsBeast: Go after him!
Meta Ridley: Oh, okay.
Meta Ridley flies up, speeding after Ridley. When suddenly, someone riding Charizard appears out of nowhere and throws a Omega Rainbow Chrob Grenade at Meta Ridley. It explodes and Meta Ridley plummets to the ground.
ViewtifulGene: Take that, you Metroid Kart 8 fodder!
NintendoIsBeast: Are you serious?
User728: Dangit, we were so close too!
NintendoIsBeast: Not really.
Ridley and Charizard land, and everyone jumps off.
SmashingBros: ViewtifulGene? What are you doing here?
ViewtifulGene: I was eating Corn on the Chrob when I heard Meta Ridley flying by my floating castle of awesomeness. He stole my lunchmoney in 3rd grade so I threw a Chrob Grenade at him.
Energyman2289: I see...
ViewtifulGene: *looks behind Ridley* Why are you with the Chorus Men?
Ridley: They have the first Too Big Stone.
ViewtifulGene: You can talk, Ridley?
Ridley: Uhh... yeah?
ViewtifulGene: Amazing discovery. I have to go finish my Corn on the Chrob now. Good luck on your adventure.
ViewtifulGene flies away, and everyone turns to the Chorus Men.
Mikokiri: Hand it over.
Chorus Men: Okay... just don't hurt us...
The Chorus Men hand over the Too Big Stone to Mikokiri. SmashingBros raises his eyebrow.
Chorus Men: Okay... here goes...
Chapter Six: Meeting New FacesEdit
Chorus Men: We're part of the mafia, see? We took this Too Big Stone from Chrob Cave cause we heard it was worth a lot of moolah. So we stole it, see? Then that NintendoIsBeast guy started giving chase when he saw us sneaking around... as we were running away, we bumped into you clowns, see? We gonna be in a lot of trouble for this back at HQ, so you better to something good with that stone there, capisce?
Ridley: We're using it to save the entire GameFAQS universe.
Chorus Men: Yaddah yaddah yaddah. Just make it up to us, kay?
Energyman2289: Why do you suddenly have a mafia accent?
Chorus Men: Cause we gots the lazy writing disease, see?
Mikokiri: We have to go back to town, to rest up a bit and locate the next Stone.
Chorus Men: We won't see you around, bye!
Chorus Men walk away. Ridley flies back to Chrobville.
Shaneikua: ALL TO THE COURTYARD FOR A MEETING WITH OUR QUEEN!
Michaellol: Ooh, I think DIHSO is being elected!
Geno4life: :/ No, Michaellol. There is no election happening today :P
Everyone goes to the Courtyard, where Queen Sylawatch steps out of the castle.
Sylawatch: As some of you know, the dangerous team of NintendoIsBeast, User728, and NoJobBob have escaped from our elite prison. They escaped by blowing it up, and leaving behind over 100 dead Moderators. We are not safe, and I advise you to stay indoors.
From behind, Chrob walks over to Sylawatch.
Sylawatch: Our elite captain, Chrob, is here to ensure none of those psychopathic trolls harm anyone. Now, you can leave.
Geno4life: :( That was short. No actual news today? >:/
Ridley and the others talk in a group by a T-shirt stand. SmashingBros is talking to the manager.
SmashingBros: Should I get a "I gotta say" t-shirt or a "Yingle" t-shirt?
SaikyoBro: I swear when I get approved on NeoGAF i'm leaving and never coming back...
Ridley: These people are really weird.
Ridley gets poked on the back, and turns around to see a person in a poorly-made Ridley costume.
SmallerRidley: Hiya Ridley!
Ridley: Oh god why...
Chapter Seven: MORE STUFF HAPPENS!!!!Edit
SmallerRidley: I'm your biggest fan!!!
Ridley: I can tell.
Energyman2289: Ridley, watch out, your fan club is coming.
Ridley looks over to see BiggerRidley and RidleysPlayable running over. Ridley sighs.
RidleysPlayable: Ridley! Are you playable in the new Smash?
Ridley: I haven't gotten my invitation yet, actually.
BiggerRidley: Ridley, sign my Ridley.
SmallerRidley: Ridley Ridley Ridley!
Ridley: I find this creepy...
Ridley continues to get pestered for 20 more minutes, until Chrob appears.
Chrob: What's going on here? I thought you three were on a leash!
Chrob snaps his fingers and another Chrob appears.
Chrob 2: Go home!
SmallerRidley, BiggerRidley, and RidleysPlayable run home. Ridley is disturbed.
Ridley: What. just. Happened?
Energyman2289: What? Chrob cloning himself or those three being creepy?
Ridley: Uh.... both?
Ridley's head gets covered in flakes of rubble. He rubs them off and looks up to see a limo crashed through the second story of a house.
Ridley: *thinking* What. The. Hell?
Ghirahim: Ridley, you gotta help me. This guy's crazy! He won't stop looking at me and touching me creepily! Don't tell him which way I went, okay?
Ridley: uh... Okay?
Ghirahim runs off. LordCarlisle jumps off the roof and lands in front of Ridley with no injuries.
LordCarlisle: Where's Ghirahim?
Ridley: I dunno.
LordCarlisle: I got bored of him anyways. What are you up to?
Ridley: Uh... saving the universe?
LordCarlisle: Saving the universe? Can I help you for a bit? i'm bored.
Ridley: Oooh kaaay...
Chapter Eight: The Second StoneEdit
Energyman and Mikokiri give LordCarlisle an exposition dump.
LordCarlisle: Ah, I see. So you're looking for the second stone?
Mikokiri: Well, about to.
Energyman2289: Wait, where's SmashingBros?
SmashingBros: Oh sorry, I got a Pale Tuna T-shirt and Corn on the Chrob. What's Carlisle doing here?
Mikokiri: He got bored of Ghirahim and wants to help us find the second Stone.
SmashingBros: Ohh... okay. (Carlisle is never bored of Ghirahim, I have a bad feeling about this.)
Ridley: So Miko, where's the second Stone located?
Mikokiri: My Ridley Radar seems to be picking it up near Pale Tuna Lake, just south of Yingleton.
Ridley: So where's Yingleton?
Mikokiri: Across DeZA Ocean. Which is about 500 miles wide.
Ridley: Let's go then.
Ridley and the others climb abord the Elite Ship That Used To Be Samus' But Is Not Anymore, or the E.S.T.U.T.B.E.S.B.I.N.T, and start flying to Yingleton.
NintendoIsBeast: So he's following them?
User728: Yep, they don't even notice him.
NintendoIsBeast: Good. That second Stone will be ours.
User728: are you sure that dolt Meta Ridley would even use it right?
NintendoIsBeast: He did screw up badly once, but we can obviously give him another chance, right?
User728: I guess so.
Chapter Nine: DeZA OceanEdit
Energyman2289: So I just put the ship on Auto-Pilot, anyone wanna watch a movie?
Energyman2289: C'mon, I brought Frozen!
Energyman2289: Hey Ridley?
Energyman2289: Forgot to tell you this, sorry bout that, but there's more members to the Elite FAQs Squad of Awesomeness.
Ridley: Really? Who else is there?
Energyman2289: Geno4life, Waluigi7, and Soothsayer77 are our other members. We recently recruited Rosalina, but she has no confirmed position yet.
Ridley: How come we haven't heard from these other members yet?
Energyman2289: Because they're usually not doing their job, unless something happens.
A buzzing sound is heard from the control room, followed by static-like speaking.
SmashingBros: A transmission! It's from Geno4life!
Geno4life: :O Guys, I can see an enemy ship trailing from behind! X_x
SmashingBros: Oh crap! It's DeZA!
DeZA hacks the transmission and takes over it.
DeZA: What're you doing, crossing my ocean? It's off limits!
DeZA fires giant hooks from his ship, holding a giant sign that says "CLOSE YOUR ACCOUNT!"
Mikokiri: What is your problem, DeZA?
DeZA: Oh, that's not me. That's my good old friend. Hey! Come say hi!
Captain Stabbin': Close your account, arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Energyman2289: CAPTAIN STABBIN?
Captain Stabbin': Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Energyman2289: Fire the Tunas!
LordCarlisle jumps into the back, pressing the "Launch Missile" button, causing a bunch of Giant Exploding Pale Tunas to fly towards DeZA's ship, which he dodges all but one, and plummets into the ocean.
DeZA: CLOSE YOUR ACCCCCcccccooooooouuuuuunnntttt-
Ridley: Well that was random.
Chapter Ten: YingletonEdit
Ridley: Are we there yet? I'm bored.
Mikokiri: We're landing...
Ridley: Landing takes too long.
The ship lands, and our heroes enter Yingleton.
Rayquaza487: Welcome to Yingl- Who's that...?
Rayquaza487: Ridley, correct?
Rayquaza487 walks away, cue awkward silence.
Ridley: wat just happen
SmashingBros: thats rayquaza487, he's always making topics about how you wont be playable.
Ridley: oh it's THAT guy... Why I adda...
Mikokiri: Save it for later, Ridley. We need to go get the Second Stone.
Ridley: k lets go
Our heroes walk through town, and bump into a dude who looks like some wack-*** pirate.
Alfonzo: Oh hello Ridley. Who're these weirdos?
Ridley: These guys are the Elite GameFAQS Squad of Awesomeness, we're trying to save the universe.
Alfonzo: Save the universe? Oh yeah, I had to do that yesterday when Ness joined the battle.
Ridley: Would you mind moving? We're trying to collect the Too Big Stones.
Alfonzo: The Too Big Stones? I know there's one south of here, in some ancient ruins under Pale Tuna Lake.
Ridley: How do you know?
Alfonzo: I had to guard the Stone when [REDACTED] joined the battle.
Energyman2289: Thanks for the info, but... how do you get into the ruins?
Alfonzo: Oh yeah, I know. You have to... Oh wait, I gotta go do something while K. Rool joins the battle! Gotta go! See ya around!
SmashingBros: Welp, there goes valuable information.
Chapter Eleven: Oh no, Villians!Edit
Ridley: So what do we do now?
LordCarlisle: Maybe we could just go to the lake and try to figure the puzzle out.
Mikokiri: Okay, let's start heading south.
SmashingBros: Hold on, transmission incoming.
Waluigi7: It seems NoJobBob is heading across DeZA Ocean right now. Me and soothsayer77 are following his trail.
SmashingBros: Okay. Try to shoot him down. SmashingBros out.
Waluigi7: Fire the missiles!
Waluigi7: FIRE THE MISSILES
Waluigi7: Are you touching that picture of Snake's butt again?
Soothsayer77: Uhh.... no?
Waluigi7: Then FIRE THE MISSILES
Soothsayer77 launches the missiles at NoJobBob's ship. He dodges all of them in swift motions. Meta Ridley jumps out of the ship and lands on Waluigi7's windshield, cracking it.
Meta Ridley: Suuuuup.
Back with our heroes, who have just exited Yingleton, and started heading south to Pale Tuna Lake.
SmashingBros: I got the daily newspaper from Chrobville
Ridley: what does it say?
SmashingBros: It says that ThisAnvil tried to kill elite captain Chrob again.
Energyman2289: Yeah for some reason, ThisAnvil hates Chrob. A lot.
Ridley: I think i've said this a couple of times already, but you guys are a bunch of weirdos.
Mikokiri: Very true.
LordCarlisle: are we there yet?
SmashingBros: Almost. Just a couple more miles.
LordCarlisle: For the love of Go- I mean Ghirahim...
SmashingBros: (Carlisle doesn't seem to be acting like himself...)
Ridley: Wait, can't we just ride on my back to make this go faster?
Mikokiri: How did we not think of that.
Ridley: DAAAAAAAAMNNN YOOOUU WRRIIIITTTTERRR- yeah let's go.
And so they all jumped on Ridley's back and he flew to Pale Tuna Lake in about 7.5 seconds.
Chapter Twelve: M. Night ShyamaridleyEdit
Ridley: Okay. This is Pale Tuna Lake. How exactly do we get into the ruins?
Austin_4e You wanna know?
Everyone turns to see Austin_4e fishing with Mewtwo. Kooky_von_Koopa is in the back dancing on a tree.
Austin_4e: There's a secret button called "ENTRANCE" hidden around here.
Mewtwo: Oh here it is.
Mewtwo uses his telekinesis to pull over a button that was inside of the tree Kooky_Von_Koopa was dancing on.
Mewtwo: Push it.
Ridley pushes the button. All of a sudden, all the water in the lake just magically disappears.
Kooky_von_Koopa: Hey! Who turned the music off?
Austin_4e: What music?
Kooky_von_Koopa: The music of the lake!
Austin_4e: The lake wasn't playing any music?
Kooky_von_Koopa: Yea it was! It was playing through a boombox!
Austin_4e: What boombox?
Kooky_von_Koopa: The one it stole from Samus!
Ridley: Okay. So the entrance is now accessible.
SmashingBros: That was anti-climactic.
Mewtwo puts his hand on Ridley's shoulder.
Mewtwo: Hold on. I need to go with you. Most of the ruins' "puzzles" are only solvable with telekinesis.
Ridley: you sure?
They walk down the GIANT staircase into the ruins, where Mewtwo opens the first door.
Ridley: So where's the second Stone?
Mewtwo: Trust me, we have a long way ahead of us...
Chapter Thirteen: I have nothing to put here.Edit
Mewtwo: So there's about 4 rooms between us and the Stone. If we are careful enough, we can get there in a quick enough amount of time.
Ridley: And what do we do?
Mewtwo: Whyyy? :(
They enter the first room, where theres a puzzle of two sliding panels. A third panel says "4", but cannot be moved.
Energyman2289: Wow, how do we solve this?
Mikokiri: I have no idea
LordCarlisle: Maybe it's a... math problem!
SmashingBros: What's a math?
Ridley: maybe it's a type of pancake
LordCarlisle: Math is an ancient thing of numbers
Mewtwo: oh I get it now. It's 2 + 2 = 4!
Ridley: Wow Mewtwo, how are you so smart?!?!?!?!
Mewtwo: Because I'm Mewtwo.
LordCarlisle: Let's just hurry up and get to the Stone.
Mewtwo solves the math problem, causing the panels to slide up, forming a doorway to the next room. Inside lies Yingle, who is blocking the next room.
Yingle: Why hello strangers, be aware, as there lies no danger. To get into the next room, you must answer my questions of doom.
Ridley: Dude you suck at rhyming.
Yingle: Shut up and answer my question!
LordCarlisle: Hmmmm...... no
LordCarlisle walks up to Yingle and pushes him to the ground, causing Yingle to cry.
Yingle: You scraped my knee!!!!!!!! I got a boo boo!
SmashingBros: No one cares
Ridley: Wait... is that the next Stone?
Ridley points towards the end of the room, where lies a stone carved in the shape of Ridley's wing, sitting on top a pedestal.
Mewtwo: Wait, I thought there were more puzzles!
Energyman2289: Guess not.
LordCarlisle: Stop! Don't go any further!
LordCarlisle steps out from behind the pedestal, and starts blocking the stone from the others.
LordCarlisle: The LordCarlisle that has joined you is a fake! Look!
Everyone turns around to see the other LordCarlisle is not there anymore. Instead...
Morgan_von_veb: Oh, so you've found the truth...
Chapter Fourteen: Stupid Stuff HappensEdit
Ridley: This guy looks like a drunk elephant
Morgan_von_veb flies over to the stone, pushes LordCarlisle aside, steals the stone, and teleports away.
Mewtwo: I didn't see that coming.
All of a sudden, Lucario walks into the room.
Lucario: BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE THE AURA, *****!
Lucario dances to Gangnam Style.
Ridley: I don't know what's going on, but I love it.
Mewtwo: Okay, let's teleport back to Yingleton. Everyone grab hands.
Mewtwo teleports everyone out of the ruins and end up in Yingleton.
Mewtwo: Now, I'm afraid I'll have to leave you now.
Energyman2289: Wait, where's LordCarlisle?
Energyman turns to see LordCarlisle using his Ghiraradar to locate Ghirahim.
Energyman2289: Now THAT'S the real LordCarlisle.
Everyone: heh heheh
SmashingBros: Everyone, shh! Transmission incoming!
Rosalina: I've located Morgan_von_veb. He seems to be flying over Chrobville. I'll let you know if he does anything else.
SmashingBros: Thanks. I'll send Geno4life and Waluigi7 over there right now.
SmashingBros presses a button on the walkie talkie thingy and Geno4life appears on the screen.
Geno4life: :/ What is it, SmashingBros? >:( I'm a little busy right now.
SmashingBros: We need you and Waluigi7 to fly towards Chrobville, Rosalina spotted Morgan_von_veb flying near it.
Geno4life: *sigh* >_> Okay, we're on it.
The transmission ends, but right after does another person pop up on the screen.
Soothsayer77: Hey! What about me??
SmashingBros: We have nothing for you to right now.
Energyman2289: That's the polite way of saying "Screw off"
Soothsayer77 glares at Energyman, grunts angrily, and shuts off the transmission.
Rosalina: Hey Luma, do you know where my wand is?
Luma: Does it look like I care?
Rosalina: Uh... yea?
Luma: Just go to the bank.
Rosalina hops on a Launch Star, and shoots towards the GameFAQS bank. She walks in, only to be greeted by ComeOnDaisy.
ComeOnDaisy: Sorry, but we have no one by the name of "Blue Peach Clone" registered in our bank accounts. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Rosalina: But I came here a week ago!
ComeOnDaisy: The only girl wearing a dress to come by in the past week was Peach, now leave.
Rosalina: But I have my credit card ight he-
Rosalina walks out of the bank slowly, tears in her eyes, only to be spit on by Michaellol.
Back with our heroes...
Ridley: I'm bored.
Chapter Fifteen: In which Ridley does nothing 2: Re-loadedEdit
Ridley: I'm bored.
SmashingBros: what chu wan do?
Ridley: Wanna go get Ice cream?
Mewtwo: I hope there's Mewtwo flavored ice-cream.
And so our heroes walk for 30 minutes trying to find the ice cream parlor...
Energyman2289: Where's my ICE CREAM!??!?!?!
Ridley: Oh there it is. It was right behind where we were first at.
Ridley points to the ice cream parlor right across the street, named "Demon's Ice Cream Parlor" They walk in, only to see Ghirahim behind the counter.
Ghirahim: *sighs* And what would you want, si- Oh hey Ridley!
Ridley: Hey Ghirahim, just get us all some vanilla ice cream. Also, that LordCarlisle that was with you was a fake.
Ghirahim: Yeah. I could tell. He wasn't creepy enough.
Everyone pays for their ice cream, but when Ridley reached for his wallet, he was surprised to see no money.
Ridley: Oh jeez... No money...
Ridley looked over and saw Rosalina about to eat an ice cream. He went up and snatched it out of her hands, where he walked away and licked it.
Ridley: Mmm chocolate! My favorite!
And so, Ridley licked that chocolate ice cream for 30 minutes. As Ridley opened the door for everyone to leave, Rosalina was about to walk back inside, as she had walked outside to mope for 30 minutes. As she was about to walk inside, Ridley closed the door and it slammed in her face.
Ridley: Did anyone of you guys hear a thud?
SmashingBros: Oh yeah, it's just Rosalina. For some reason she always like to spray ketchup on her forehead.
Energyman2289: Are you sure that's ketchup?
Mikokiri: Looks like it.
Mewtwo: It's getting dark, where do we sleep?
SmashingBros: Our ship has a bunch of rooms, because it can change how big it is from the inside without changing how it looks on the outside!
Mewtwo: How convenient.
And so they slept...
Energyman2289: *yawns* Today's gonna be an important day, I can tell.
SmashingBros: Rosalina can't come to work today.
SmashingBros: Something about a hospital... probably just got got the flu.
Ridley: Ahhhh k
Energyman2289: Is Miko up yet?
Mikokiri: Yea. *drinks coffee*
Energyman2289: Okay, we need to locate the next Stone.
Mikokiri: Okay hold on I gotta find the Ridley Radar
Chapter Sixteen: This One Actually Progresses The Plot In A WayEdit
Mikokiri: Weird. I can't find my Ridley Radar.
NintendoIsBeast: Oh, you mean this?
NintendoIsBeast holds up the Ridley Radar, smiling maniacally. He starts walking towards the window, each step closer his face becoming more sinister.
NintendoIsBeast: You want it? Give me the Stone.
Mikokiri: We don't have the stone... Morgan_von_veb stole it...
NintendoIsBeast: Oh trust me, I know. I meant the other one.
Mewtwo: You're that foolish to think we'd give it to you?
Mewtwo's eyes are becoming bloodshot; his anger is causing pots to break on the shelf.
NintendoIsBeast: What's the matter? Overshadowed by Lucario so badly you're trying to imitate him?
Mewtwo vanished suddenly, and reappeared right in front of NintendoIsBeast.
NintendoIsBeast threw the Ridley Radar out the window.
Mewtwo: It's too far down... I can't get it back.
Waiting for the inevitable crack on the ground of the Ridley Radar; everyone was surprised when it didn't come.
SalsaSavant: Not now, NintendoIsBeast.
SalsaSavant rose from below the ship, riding atop a giant Yveltal. Ridley Radar in hand, he gave a condescending smile towards NintendoIsBeast, wagging his finger left and right.
NintendoIsBeast: Oh not you, you pesky little-
A second figure riding a Dragonite flew up behind SalsaSavant. He put his hands together, and screamed...
A tiny little ball of energy flew from JayStrike's hands, flying at a whopping 1 MPH.
NintendoIsBeast stood there, paralyzed with fear, as the lightning-speed ball of energy flew towards him. It poked him, causing him to fly into space.
NintendoIsBeast: DAAAAAAMMNNNNN YOUUUUU WRITTTTERRRRRR!
SalsaSavant: So, you lost this?
Ridley: Yep. Where did you come from anyways?
SalsaSavant: Oh, I am the guardian of the entire GameFAQS universe. I am everywhere. But before I leave, me and my pal JayStrike will tell you that this will not be the last time you see us.
Ridley: That's it? You're just leaving?
SalsaSavant: Yep. I have other things to do to help protect the GameFAQS universe. Like eat Corn on the Chrob. See ya!~
SalsaSavant and JayStrike flew away.
Ridley: Well now that that fiasco is over, where's the next Stone located?
Mikokiri: The Banlands...
Chapter Seventeen: The BanlandsEdit
Ridley: why am I always the first character to talk?
Ridley: So where and what is this "Banlands"?
Mikokiri: It's where all the moderators and banned users live.
Mikokiri: Moderators are the lowest common denominator to us GameFAQS users. They are the biggest killjoys in the universe, banning users for the stupidest of reasons.
Ridley: lol they sound like a bunch of losers
Energyman2289: they are
Ridley: Well what are we waiting for? Let's go!
Mikokiri: Actually, only Moderators can enter the Banlands.
SmashingBros: So we have to disguise ourselves as Moderators?
Mikokiri: Yep, and I think I know who can supply us with such disguises...
They land the ship in Yingleton, and walk towards a shady looking alleyway. A dark figure is standing against the wall.
Yoshi2010: Oh hey there.
Mikokiri: Yoshi, we need to get the third Stone but it's located in the Banlands. Can you help us disguise as some Moderators?
Yoshi2010: Oh I sure can.
Yoshi walks them over to a dumpster and they push it out of the way to reveal a hidden door. Inside lie two other figures playing poker at a table; ecylis and AuraWielder.
Yoshi2010: Hey guys, you still got them disguises we used to raid the Moderator town in the Banlands?
Ecylis: You gonna shut up and let us play poker?
Yoshi2010: No. You wanna give us the disguises so these guys over here can work to save your ass, or are you just gonna play poker and die?
AuraWielder: They're in the closet.
Yoshi heads towards the closet and opens it, finding about 5 suits hanging with pairs of glasses in their pockets.
Mewtwo: They're just stereotypical nerd outfits.
Yoshi2010: Exactly! The perfect disguise for a Moderator!
Mewtwo makes the biggest pokerface ever.
Yoshi2010: Now just put them on!
Yoshi2010: You can fit in them, Ridley, just hurry up!
After about five minutes of Ridley fidgeting into the clothes, he comes out of the changing room, where everyone is waiting.
Ridley: I look stupid.
Mikokiri: You look like a Moderator.
Chapter Eighteen: Ridley Does a ThingEdit
Yoshi2010: Hurry up the chapter
And so they reached the Badlands...
Ridley: We are all uh.. twins. and our names are Bob.
Moderator: What's the secret password?
Energyman2289: Uh... Starcraft?
Moderator: you may enter, you are worthy
Energyman2289: Uh... ok?
And so they walk the Badlands... which looks like a town in the middle of a barren wasteland. Guards are watching over everywhere.
Mikokiri: Watch out for the banned users here, they can be dangerous.
Ridley: Like that guy?
Ridley points over to see a figure looking at them, making the best Jeff the Killer impression Ridley has seen in a while.
SmashingBros: Who's that guy?
Ridley: This place is creeping me out, let's just get the ston- HOLY CRAP!
The figure that was looking at them from across the street just popped up in Ridley's face.
Bellagio_4: You must be new here... I like new recruits...
Ridley: *crosses his claws* BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH! STRANGER DANGER!
Bellagio_4: You think I would hurt you...? No no no, I'm quite tame...
Ridley: BAD TOUCH!!!!!!!!!!
Sonic: That's no good!
Sonic appears out of literally nowhere and punches Bellagio_4 and sends him flying fifteen blocks away.
Sonic: C'mon, step it up!
Ridley: Where in the literal **** did you come from Sonic
Sonic: You're too slow!
Sonic runs away.
Energyman2289: That was random.
Ridley: So we're in an area filled with creepy lunatics, and we don't know where the Stone is?
Moderator: What are you talking about, Bob?
Ridley: Uh.... stones! You know... to throw at users!
Moderator: Oh I love doing that! Carry on!
Ridley: Well now he's gone.
Mikokiri: Uh... my Ridley Radar isn't picking up anything.
Mikokiri: No wait, it is! It's moving! Someone has it!
Chapter Nineteen: Look What You Did, AuraWielderEdit
Mikokiri: Go after the Stone!
Our heroes run after the little dot on the radar, as it gets closer... and closer... as they're about to confront the thief... it vanishes.
Ridley: What happened?
User728: A little something called... magic.
Energyman2289: User... what are you here for?
User728: Isn't it obvious? Or are you that stupid? You know, I'll take the latter.
Energyman2289: Where's the stone?!?
User728: Oh, like I'd tell you. But you know what, i'll humor you. We keep the stones at our HQ. Wanna know where that is?
Energyman2289: You'd tell us?
User728: Of course. You wouldn't manage to get past our security anyways...
SmashingBros: Where is it then?
User728: Ha! You really thought I'd tell you idiots?
Ridley: *grits teeth* You might want to leave.
User728: What are you gonna do? Step on me? [laughs]
Ridley: That's a possibility... there's also the possibility of me doing something worse...
User728: Ooh, real scary!
Ridley: Give us the stone and I won't beat the living snot out of you.
User728: Like you'd be able to do anything. [laughs] COME OVER HERE YOU GIANT METAL BAFOON!
Meta Ridley does his signature entrance, this time creating the crater with his fist.
Ridley: Did you just Falcon Punch the ground?
Meta Ridley: Yea! You like it?
Ridley: Not really.
Meta Ridley: Why don't I just test it on you then?
Ridley: Try me.
Chapter Twenty: I Forgot to Put Last Chapter's Title in ItalicEdit
Meta Ridley: I will try, indeed.
Meta Ridley shoots towards Ridley, claws out ready to grab his neck. Ridley quickly dodges out of Meta Ridley's way and jumps on his back. He pounds the back of his head with his closed fist as hard as he can, knocking Meta Ridley to the ground.
Ridley: Don't just sit there and do nothing!
Mewtwo takes the hint and levitates a nearby storage crate and slams it on Meta Ridley's head. Meta Ridley groans.
Meta Ridley: Enough...
Ridley: How about no?
Meta Ridley: Screw you...
Energyman, SmashingBros, and Mikokiri pull out swords that have been sitting in sheaths strapped to their back.
Ridley: So Meta Ridley, how's it feel being cut?
Meta Ridley: Next time, Ridley.
The three slash Meta Ridley's head off, revealing a bunch of wires, sparking electricity.
User728: (So they aren't as pathetic as I thought. Interesting.)
User728: Well I've had enough fun time today, see you later.
User728 teleports away.
Mewtwo: That guy is gonna get it once I lay my hands on him...
User728: Hey, i'm back.
Morgan_von_veb: Did you kill them?
User728: Meta Ridley tried to, but he was even more pathetic than they were.
Morgan_von_veb: As expected.
User728: Bob still got the Stone before they did.
Morgan_von_veb: Good. [laughs]
User728: So, what's next?
Morgan_von_veb: I have nothing planned for you to do.
User728: Wait what?
Morgan_von_veb: I said I have nothing planned for you to do, User. Do you have ears?
User728: I heard you, but you have nothing? Just let them get the stones?
Morgan_von_veb: Yes, humor them. Let them feel like they've accomplished something, let them feel like they have a shimmer of hope. Then crush it.
User728: Ahh, I see now...
Morgan_von_veb: Of course you do. You have eyes, stupid.
User728: You know wh- *sighs* Goodbye.
Morgan_von_veb: Goodbye, User.
User walks away slowly, slamming the door as he leaves.
Back at the Banlands...
Ridley: So we only have one stone, and two of them are stolen...
Mikokiri: There's always the next one.
SmashingBros: But where is it?
Two moderators walk over.
Energyman2289: *whispers* I think they're onto us...
The moderators lead them into an empty alleyway. They take off their suits, revealing completely different outfits underneath.
Quinfordmac: If you want the Stone, come with us.
Chapter Twenty One: I Can Never Think of TitlesEdit
Quinfordmac: We've been secretly following Morgan_von_veb and his stupid goons. We know where the next Stone is. It was morgan_von_veb who took this one and he teleported to an old abandoned mineshaft named the Beatles Mines.
Energyman2289: And this is... where?
The second figure stepped forward.
Ravio_Yo: Inside a giant rainforest.
Ridley: Any "clever" name for this forest?
Ravio_Yo: No, just a rainforest.
Quinfordmac: First, we need to go back to town to buy equipment. You should come with us.
SmashingBros: But we already have tons of equipment.
Quinfordmac: A toothbrush and a paperclip aren't recommended for completing a trap-filled dungeon.
SmashingBros: Meh. Alright. Let's go.
And so they walk out of the Banlands...
Ridley: Wait, why didn't any moderators try to question us on the way out?
SmashingBros: Lazy writing.
After about two hours of flying, they finally reach Yingleton.
Mikokiri: Now we just need to buy equipment...
Mewtwo: I don't need no stinking equipment. I'M MEWTWO!
Mikokiri: Do you think anyone cares, Mewtwo?
Mewtwo; I- uh- no.
They spot a shop named "Arne's Puzzle-Filled Dungeon Exploring Equipment Shop"
They walk inside, only to be immediately greeted by the manager.
Arne83: Hello! What are you looking for?
Energyman2289: Back up a bit, sir.
Arne83: Oh yes, my bad. It's just I never get customers...
Energyman2289: (I wonder why.)
Arne83: So what do you need? Grapple hooks? Lazer detectors?
Ridley: Lazer detectors? We're just going to explore a mineshaft...
Arne83: YOU NEVER KNOOOOOW
Ridley: Fair enough.
Quinfordmac: We'll take the lot.
Chapter Twenty Two: The Lost ChapterEdit
Arne83: All of it?
Ridley: Hey! I'm the only one who can have the first line in a chapter!
Mewtwo: Looks like you didn't predict that, Ridley ;)
Ridley: Shut up Mewtwo.
Energyman2289: Awwwww yis! I've taken classes on how to grapple!
Mikokiri: You had to take classes just for learning how to use a grappling hook?
Energyman2289: DON'T JUDGE ME
Ravio_Yo: Quin we don't even have enough money to afford this.
Quinfordmac: Awww shit
Quin runs out the front door.
SmashingBros: Where's he going?
Ravio_Yo: I've got a pretty good idea...
Quin locates a fitness center across the street.
Quinfordmac: Eh, it's the closest...
He runs in, and locates the nearest person. He sneaks up behind her, and swiftly takes her wallet and runs off.
Quinfordmac: How did no one notice?!?
The person turns around.
Rosalina: Luma, did you take my wallet?
Luma: Uh no?
Rosalina: Are you sure?
Wii Fit Trainer: Why did you take a break? Continue running! (I hate babysitting these people, stupid job.)
Rosalina: I wasn't running on a treadmill in the first place...
Wii Fit Trainer: Does it look like I care?
Rosalina: But, my dress might get stuck in the treadmill...
Wii Fit Trainer: WHY ARE YOU WEARING IT THEN?!?!?!
Back with our heroes...
Quinfordmac: Here's your money bub
Arne83: Did you steal this?
Arne83: Damn it, Quin.
Quinfordmac: Shut up and take my money
And so they walk out, everyone's hands full of junk.
Ridley: Did we have to buy out the entire store?
Ridley: All righty then
Quinfordmac: Now we have to go to the fitness place thingy!
Quinfordmac: NO BUTS!
Ridley: I didn't say but.
Mikokiri: *whispers'* Is he always this crazy?
Quin motions everyone to go inside; they all meet at the counter, where Wii Fit Trainer is sleeping.
Wii Fit Trainer: Ah! Huh? Who's there?
Wii Fit Trainer notices the group standing at the counter. Her face goes from confused to completely unamused.
Wii Fit Trainer: (I hate my job...) So, what are you here for?
Wii Fit Trainer: No shit
Wii Fit Trainer: Because of my stupid job's rules, you're new so I have to give you all a health checkup.
Energyman2289: Isn't that what doctors do?
Wii Fit Trainer: I said it's because of my job's rules, stupid. Do you even listen?
Energyman2289: Sorry ma'am.
Wii Fit Trainer leads them over to a room in the back of the gym. She tells everyone to stand next to each other (Elbow room included) and looks over them. She points at Ridley.
Wii Fit Trainer: You. Stand by the doorway.
She points Ridley over to a height chart by the doorway.
Wii Fit Trainer: 8'7. Good. Do you play Basketball?
Wii Fit Trainer: Dissapointing. Let me see your arm.
Ridley flexes his arm. Wii Fit Trainer examines it. Rosalina is walking to the bathroom in the hall outside.
Wii Fit Trainer: Hmm...
Wii Fit Trainer pinches a nerve on Ridley's arm. It causes his arm to clech into a fist and spring outwards. A loud crack is heard outside. Everyone looks out at the hall to see where the sound came from, but only see Rosalina unconscuious on the ground.
Wii Fit Trainer: Ugh, not again.
Wii Fit Trainer walks over to Rosalina and drags her into the hall. She then closes the door.
Wii Fit Trainer: Always leave the damn door open...
Everyone is still silent as to what just happened.
Wii Fit Trainer: Now let's see your weight.
Wii Fit Trainer leads Ridley over to the scale in the back of the room. Ridley steps on it and it flattens.
Wii Fit Trainer: Heavy.
To be continued...
Chapter Twenty Three: Wii Make U FitEdit
Wii Fit Trainer: So.. you seem to be in perfect shape, Ridley.
Ridley: I broke your scale...
Wii Fit Trainer: *whispers* Look, the faster I do these checkups, the faster I can go back to napping. Got that?
So Wii Fit Trainer did a health checkup on the rest of the gro-
Energyman2289: How? The scale's broken.
Don't question me.
Wii Fit Trainer: Ah, so your checkups are done. Have fun!
Wii Fit Trainer immideatly walked out the door.
SmashingBros: So what now?
Quinfordmac: Work out.
Mewtwo: That's it? Are you kidding me? That's it?
And so the group splits up and walks around the gym.
Mewtwo: (This'll be easy.)
Mewtwo walks over to the weights and lifts the 50 pound weight up and down with his telekinesis.
Mewtwo: Look at you Mewtwo, so strong!
Mewtwo: Why thanks, Mewtwo. You're not so bad yourself.
Mewtwo: Thanks Mewtwo!
Mewtwo: No problem, Mewtwo.
SmashingBros: Mewtwo, are you talking to yourself?
Mewtwo: What? No, where'd you get that idea?
SmashingBros: *squints* Just a hunch.
Meanwhile, with Ridley...
Ridley: How am I supposed to work out with these?
Someone lifting weights near Ridley overhears him talking and walks over him. He opens his mouth to speak, but then sees Ridley lifting the 100 pound weights with one hand.
Kidmf935: No clue.
Ridley: Like, what's the point of this?
Kidmf935: Well what are you working out for if you can already lift that much?
Ridley: Some crazy loon me and my group met on our adventure wants us to for some reason
Kidmf935: This is why you don't listen to crazy loons
Ridley: From what i've seen this whole world is full of crazy loons.
At another corner of the gym, loud THUDs can be heard.
Mikokiri: Do these things have a purpose other than bouncing on them?
Ravio_Yo: Hmm... *thinks* Nope.
Mikokiri: I mean, what else are they used for?
Ravio_Yo: I dunno.
Mikokiri: Why don't you join me in the bouncing adventure instead of being emo in the corner?
Ravio_Yo: I like being emo in the corner.
All of a sudden a bunch of loud BANGs can be heard from the middle of the gym.
Mewtwo: Get out of here, no one likes you!
Xodarhis: Woah, calm down! I'm not doing anything!
Mewtwo: I know who you are, Xodarhis. Leave here right now.
Xodarhis: Do you really want to do this the hard way?
To be continued...
Chapter Twenty Four: Operation Potato ChipsEdit
Xodarhis: You just said you knew who I am. So why are you trying to force me to do something?
Mewtwo: Because you should take your ugly face and go back to the hole you crawled out of.
Xodarhis: Don't say that, you live in a cave. Now talking about our possible homes is off-topic.
Xodarhis suddenly whistles, and the gym goes completely silent for about 5 seconds. Out of nowhere, a giant beast tears apart the wall, pieces flying everywhere.
Rosalina: Ugh... what happened?
A rouge piece of the wall hits her in the face, knocking her out again.
Ridley: What... is THAT?!?!
Xodarhis: You like it?
The beast looks like a 10 foot Moderator with gigantic muscles, and bloodshot eyes.
Xodarhis: Just a little experiment I made in my labs. I call him "Moddy"
Xodarhis: Hold on a second, Moddy. I'm not done yet.
Moddy grunts, visible steam coming from his nose.
Xodarhis: So, want to re-think about trying to aggravate me?
Mewtwo: You little-
Mikokiri and SmashingBros grab onto Mewtwo, holding him back so he doesn't cause more trouble.
Xodarhis: [laughs] Are you salty about something?
Mewtwo gives Xodarhis a glare that would make Luigi run for his money. Xoadrhis flinches, but quickly puts back on his arrogant smile.
Xodarhis: Well... I think i'll be going now. Just don't get in my way or else I'll book you a playdate with Moddy. Isn't that right?
Xodarhis: Charming. Well, ta-ta.
Xodarhis and Moddy ride a magical unicorn made of carrots into the sky.
Energyman2289: Aww, i'm out of popcorn.
Quinfordmac: So... after this outraegous amount of filler, is everyone ready to find the next Stone?
And so our heroes set out to find the Beatles Mines... find out what happens on the next episode of Ridleyball Z!!!!!!!!!
Energyman2289: Oh hey, is that the rainforest?
Ravio_Yo: Wow that was closer than I expected.
Ridley: Yay for little effort!
SmashingBros, Mikokiri & Mewtwo: Yaaay!
They enter the dense rainforest...
SmashingBros: Man did anyone bring towels?
Ridley: I. EAT. HEAT!
Mewtwo: That's nice.
Ridley: Doesn't anyone else just LOVE the heat?
Mikokiri: No, in fact most of us are gonna get heatstroke soon if we don't find these damn mines.
Ridley: C'mon guys, don't be like that! The heat is GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!
Energyman2289: Are you okay, Ridley?
Ridley: FINE AND DANDY! How are You!??!?!? [laughs]
Energyman2289: (Note to self: Keep Ridley away from hot areas)
Ravio_Yo: Be careful guys, this area is habited by really dangerous animals.
SmashingBros: Like those Skulltulas?
SmashingBros points upwards at a nest of Skulltulas. Quinfordmac starts climbing one of the trees near them with his sword out.
Ravio_Yo: Damn it Quin, you know those are poisonous as hell!
Quinfordmac: I got em... Just gotta get a little closer... closer... OH SHIT
One of the Skulltulas jumps out at Quinfordmac, landing on his chest. A lot of crunching sounds can be heard under Quin's screams. After a while, Quin's screams fade out, and the Skulltula climbs back up to the web. Quin falls off the tree limb.
SmashingBros: Oh fuck, what's wrong with him?
Ravio_Yo: I think he's dead...
Chapter Twenty Five: LIVE AND LEARN *shot*Edit
Energyman2289: Check his pulse, we can't decide if he's dead too quickly.
Ravio_Yo puts her head to Quin's chest, listening carefully... longer... longer... No sound is heard.
Ravio_Yo: He's gone...
Ridley: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!? Why does that tree look like a Geno??? [laughs]
Mikokiri goes up to Ridley and slaps him in the face.
Ridley: Oh. Thanks.
Mikokiri: No problem.
Energyman2289: So... what do we do now?
Ravio_Yo: Only one thing left to do. Get that Stone, find the rest, and kill all of those sorry sons of bitches.
SmashingBros: Sounds reasonable to me!
Energyman2289: Me too!
Mikokiri: Me three!
Mewtwo: mew four!
Ravio_Yo: Are we ready?!?
Ravio_Yo: FOR QUIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ravio_Yo: LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!!
And so Ravio_Yo leads them over to where the Beatles Mines are located. The entrance is a giant hole with a "NO TRESPASSING" sign in front.
Ridley: No Trespassing? YOU DON'T KNOW ME!
Ridley runs in, the rest not trailing too far behind. They come to the realization that it's too dark to see.
SmashingBros: Good thing we brought torches!
SmashingBros starts laying down torches to light up the mines.
Ravio_Yo: To my knowledge, these mines are extremely old and prone to caving in. I'd watch out.
A soft rumble can be heard.
SmashingBros: Anyone hear that?
Energyman2289: LOOK OUT!
Energyman2289 jumps over to SmashingBros and pulls him out of the way of the rocks that just fell from the ceiling.
Ravio_Yo: Well speak of the Hades...
SmashingBros: Thanks man...
Energyman2289: Always gotta stick up for each other, right?
Up on a hidden alcove of the cave...
NintendoIsBeast: Agh! How did I miss? ...I guess i'll just have to wait patiently for them to get to it.
Ridley: Well, now the path is caved in. What now?
Ravio_Yo: I don't know. We need to find an alternate path.
Energyman2289: I can find one. When I was born, I had this... weird thing with my eyes. I can observe things twice as well as the normal human. Leave it to me!
Energyman looks around. He points up to a small alcove at the top of the cave.
Energyman2289: There! Can you see it?
Energyman2289: Argh. Okay, hold on.
Energyman takes his graplling hook and hooks onto the alcove. He motions to everyone to start climbing. Ridley just flies up, and Mewtwo levitates up.
Ridley: I hope the stone's actually here and the writer doesn't pull some plot-twist bullshit.
SmashingBros: Oh yeah, like that's going to happen. [laughs]
Energyman2289: Okay. Everyone here?
Everyone raises their hand.
Energyman2289: Okay. Let's head on.
They continue walking through the mines, running into bats every so often. SmashingBros continues to lead, placing torches at a steady pace. SmashingBros notices a drop in the cave, and sticks his arm out to indicate not to go further.
SmashingBros: I think we may have just found a ravine.
Energyman2289: Well isn't there a bridge to go acorss it?
SmashingBros: Yeah... but it's obliterated.
Energyman2289: Hold on. Maybe we can grapple across?
Energyman yet again takes out his grapple. He throws it as far as he can, but it instead just drops to the bottom, burning in the hot magma below.
Ravio_Yo: Well we're fucked. Any ideas?
Mikokiri: I've got one. *glances at Ridley*
Ridley: Huh? Oh wait! Yeah! Hop on everyone!
Everyone hops on Ridley's back and he flies over the ravine.
Ridley: Well, that wasn't TOO bad. Wonder what's next.
Mikokiri: Wait, my Radar is picking up the Stone! We're close!
They run around the mines, following Mikokiri, and eventually run into a giant gold-plated room. Magma drips from the ceiling. The Stone sits on a pedestal in the middle of the room, as like every past one.
Ridley: Yes! Let's grab it and go!
Right after Ridley says that, the exit gets caved in by boulders.
Ridley: Are you serious?
NintendoIsBeast teleports into the room, floating just above the Stone.
NintendoIsBeast: Quite serious.
Chapter Twenty Six: Enough Fucking StallingEdit
NintendoIsBeast: So, how are you all doing today?
Ridley: Terrible. You're here.
Ridley glared at NintendoIsBeast and raised his middle claw. NintendoIsBeast raised his eyebrow.
NintendoIsBeast: Well well well... very disinterested in me today, hmm?
Mikokiri: No shit.
SmashingBros: So what do you want, we're kinda busy here and don't want your crap.
NintendoIsBeast smiles menacingly and raises up the Stone. He holds it in his hand, giving a "Come at me bro" look.
NintendoIsBeast: Is this what you want?
NintendoIsBeast continues monolouging, while Energyman sneaks behind him. NintendoIsBeast continues to be oblivious to what Energyman is doing. Energyman stands behind him and leaps into the air, about to kick him in the back to make him drop the Stone. As he gets near NiB, he uses his telekinesis to grab Energyman in mid-air.
NintendoIsBeast: You're gonna have to try harder than that...
NintendoIsBeast takes Energyman and launches him across the room, into a wall. He sits on the ground, unable to stand up.
Ridley and SmashingBros run over to help Energyman. He gets up and only gives a glare towards NintendoIsBeast.
NintendoIsBeast: So, any more failed attempts of defeating me?
Mewtwo: "Failed" is surely a joke, right?
NintendoIsBeast: Of course! Fire away!
Mewtwo charges a Shadow Ball and flings it at NintendoIsBeast. It hits him in the chest and he barely flinches.
Mewtwo: How is this possible?
NintendoIsBeast: Magic. Duh.
Ridley: Shut the fuck up.
Ridley charges head-on at NintendoIsBeast, clenching his fist. His fist starts catching fire because of the sheer speed of his flight; NintendoIsBeast's evil smirk slowly turns into a frown.
Ridley: RIDLEY... PUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH!!!!!!!!!!
Ridley's burning fist meets NintendoIsBeast's face, pretty much caving in his skull. He hits the wall with a loud thud. Ridley looks down at his body, and squints his eyes to give him a death stare. he turns around and slowly stomps towards the Stone that NintendoIsBeast dropped. He slowly bends down and picks it up and clenches hit in his hand.
Ridley: Everyone ready to go?
Ridley hears a rumbling from behind him. Before he can react, NintendoIsBeast has grabbed Ridley by his neck and threw him to the ground. He continues to punch him over 50 times, and shows no sign of stopping.
SmashingBros: What do we do?
Mikokiri: I have an idea.
Miko takes out the sheath she strapped to her back, and takes out a sword. It's no ordinary sword, oh no, this is the Sword of Evil's Bane. (As known as the Master Sword, brought to you by the More You Know TM)
Miko starts charging at NintendoIsBeast, who is still too busy pounding Ridley's face into oblivion; she jumps right on top of him and stabs her sword right through his skull. His piercing screams echo throughout the room, stopping after 5 seconds of constant noise.
Ridley: Did... he stop?
Ridley continues to cringe, bruises and marks covering his face. Miko asks him if he's okay, and he just gives her the thumbs up. "I'm fine." he says.
Energyman: It's over... He's dead. Right?
Mikokiri: Completely sure.
Ridley: So we got the third Stone... finally.
Suddenly the rocks explode, and Ravio_Yo steps into the room, bags in her hand.
Ravio_Yo: I got tacos! What'd I miss?
Everyone gives her a look.
Ravio_Yo: ...Uhh, tacos?
Everyone just continues to walk past Ravio_Yo and exit the mineshaft.
Ridley: Now the fourth Stone. Let's just get this quest over with.
To be continued...
Chapter Twenty Seven: And We're Back!Edit
Ridley: Never mind, we need a break.
Mikokiri: You just said "Let's get this quest over with."
Ridley: Yeah well I was trying to be edgy and cool. We need a break, badly.
Energyman2289: How about lunch?
Ridley: Sure. Where though?
Energyman2289: Duh, we need to go to over there.
Ridley: Over where?
Energyman2289: Ridley! Look!
Energyman points to a building several blocks down. It's got a huge arch doorway and giant circular windows.
Energyman2289: That place looks cool, let's eat there.
Energyman2289: No, we're eating here.
As they walked over to the resturant, Ridley was looking around for shit to do afterwards. Of course he didn't find anything, that'd probably be more interesting than this plot. No one wants that!
RotomGuy3: And how can I help you?
Energyman2289: Table for 6, please.
Ravio_Yo: Nah, screw you guys. I bought you guys tacos and you don't eat em. I'm going home.
Cue awkward silence.
Energyman2289: Table for 5, then.
RotomGuy3: Okay. Your table's right over here.
RotomGuy3 leads them to a table up against a large window.
Energyman2289: I call window seat, heh.
RotomGuy3: Your waiter will be here in a few minutes.
Energyman2289: *stretches* Isn't it nice to finally do something that isn't looking for a damn Stone?
Energyman2289: I don't know about you guys, but i'm starting to get real sick of that shit.
Mikokiri: This "vacation" will probably be a one-time thing. Morgan and his butt buddies are probably searching for the remaining Stones right now.
User728: Eh, not really. We're bored too.
The group looks over at the table next to theirs, where User728, NoJobBob and Morgan_von_veb are eating burritos.
NoJobBob: We really don't feel like trying to kill you or anything right now, so just call us "allies" or something like that for now.
User728: Hey, have you tried the burritos yet?
SmashingBros: No, how good are they?
User728: I'd recommend it.
SmashingBros: Hmm, Okay.
Kidmf935: Hello, i'll be your waiter today. Oh hey guys! How ya doin?
Energyman2289: Fine, who are you again?
Kidmf935: I'm Kidmf, remember?
Energyman2289: Kidmf... Kidmf... oh yeah! That guy! Hey!
Ridley: You work here?
Kidmf935: Summer job.
Kidmf935: So what will you guys have?
Ridley: I want a potato.
Energyman2289: Give me a waffle.
Mikokiri: I want cookies.
SmashingBros: Can I have Tuna?
Kidmf935: *writes* Uh huh. Drinks?
Ridley: Ridley Juice.
Energyman2289: Mountain Dew
Kidmf935: *writes* Okay. Your food will be ready soon.
Twenty minutes later cuz I dont wanna write more shit.
Kidmf935: Here's your food. *hands out plates*
Energyman2289: *looks at food* Izat Luigi?
Kidmf935: Hope you enjoy your food, have a nice day.
Ridley: Wait! I want to give you a tip! *gives paper clip*
Kidmf935: Uhh, thanks.
Ridley eats his potato in one second.
Ridley: Wow that was DELICIOUS.
Ridley throws his plate across the resturant, everyone ducking and watching as it hits Rosalina in the back of the head.
Luma: *looks around* My food now.
Ridley: OKAY! You guys ready to go?
Mewtwo: We just started eating...
Ridley: Ugh, eat faster!
To be continued...
Chapter Twenty Eight: Ker-Plunk!Edit
While everyone was eating, Ridley came to a realization..
Ridley: Aww, damn. I gotta poo..
Mikokiri: Good to know..
SmashingBros spits out his Dr. Pepper all over Mewtwo.
Mewtwo picks up SmashingBros tuna and holds it up high with his psychic powers. SmashingBros tries to jump up and get it back continuously.
Mewtwo: It's no use!
Ridley gets up and walks toward the bathroom. His massive wings smack into people as the large dragon stumbles around. Kidmf935 walks in with a few other employees singing Happy Birthday, while carrying a cake for a little girl.
Kidmf935: Happy Birthday to you! Happy B- Kid gets accidentally smacked by Ridley's wing, knocking the cake on the ground in a splat. He falls in it face first while RotomGuy3 accidentally steps on his head, cementing Kid into it.
Ridley reaches an intersection, not knowing where he can take a dump. Rosalina was sitting on the booth at the intersection. Ridley sharply turns toward an employee, hitting the back of Rosalina's head into her pie. She looks up with steaming blueberries all over her face. She starts crying, but nobody gives a shit.
Ridley: Which way is the bathroom?
The employee points to the door.
Everyone at the table had finished their meals. They were all ready to go.
Mikokiri: Where's Ridley?
Energyman2289: Fucking hypocrite...
Two minutes later
Ridley: Aaahhhh! FUCK!!
???: Ridley! Ridley! Ridley-Ridley!
Suddenly, a BurnedPotato jumps out of the bathroom. It leaps onto User728's table and fucking smacks all of them in the face with his Ridley-shit covered hands.
Ridley: Oh, shit..
BurnedPotatoes runs out the door to wreak more havoc.
The guys at their table get pissed.
Everyone darts out of the restaurant to get to the next stone before User and the others.
To be continued..
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Vikkager MountainEdit
Ridley: Where's the next Stone?
Mikokiri: *holds up the Ridley Radar* I- uhhh.... *shakes it* Give me a location, dammit!
SmashingBros' pocket starts vibrating.
SmashingBros: Transmission? I didn't authorize that!
Adam Malkovich appears on the transmissioner's screen, looking very pissed off.
Adam Malkovich: DON'T STEAL MY LINES!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ridley punches through the screen, appearing on Adam's screen. His fist goes through Adam's face, and he dies.
Mikokiri: Guys, I've got a location!
Mikokiri: Vikkager Mountain.
Ridley: Where the fuck is that?
Mikokiri: i dont fuckin know
Ridley: Also why the fuck is it called "Vikkager Mountain"? That name is freaking stupid
Ridley: So we need to find this stupid mountain.
???: You're looking for Vikkager Mountain?
A dark figure jumps down from the rooftop of the building the group is standing against.
???: I can lead you to it. I know what you've been doing. You're looking for the Too Big Stones.
Mewtwo: And how exactly did you learn about that?
???: I've been watching you for a long time, but didn't want to introduce myself.
Energyman2289: Uh, why?
The conversation just fades out after the figure states that for a time.
Energyman2289: So who exactly are you?
Radori: I'm Radori. I'm a researcher who studies the power of the Too Big Stones. While doing my studies, I overheard the plans of Morgan and his butt buddies. I've had all itentions of stopping them, but alas, I am only one man. But on my adventures of locating the Too Big Stones, I found your group snooping around for them. I didn't know if you were good or evil. But after your interactions with Morgan and the others, I could tell you guys were on the right side.
Energyman2289: So you've been stalking us? That's creepy...
SmashingBros: Dude, shut up. *punches Energyman in the shoulder* So you want to help us get the next Stone?
Radori: Of course.
Ridley: Well, I guess let's get going.
Radori leads the group out of town, into a canyon that towers over everyone with it's beautiful red rock.
Radori: At the end of this canyon, there's a bridge that crosses a giant fault from an earthquake that happened long ago.
Ridley: So? We could just fly over it.
Radori: I guess so.
And so our heroes walked forth into the giant canyon, with the next Too Big Stone all on their minds. Will they climb Vikkager Mountain safely? Or will they perish? Find out in the next episode of Ridleyball Z!
Chapter Thirty: CheeseEdit
Ridley: Ridleyball Z sounds like a shitty show.
Mikokiri: Hey guys! The radar's picking up the Stone!
SmashingBros: What? Already?
Ridley: So... there's no point to being here?
Radori: Well I guess I just wasted my time.
Radori turns around to leave, when Energyman stops him.
energyman2289: You don't have to leave already.
Radori: Well you already got the Stone, I have no point of being here.
Mikokiri: Well... the Stone seems to be racing toward us at an incredibly high speed.
Radori: So someone has it?
Mikokiri: Not neccessarily, it seems to be rolling down the mountain.
Ridley: Should I fly up and catch it?
Mikokiri: That might not be needed, it'll come to us.
Radori is standing near a giant overhang of beautiful red rock, when a pebble crashes down and hits him on the head.
Radori picks up the pebble and examines it.
Radori: Oh. There's the Stone.
SmashingBros: Wait, if it was coming near us, couldn't have Mewtwo picked up with his telekinesis?
SmashingBros looks to his left, where Mewtwo is laying down on a lawn chair under the overhang, drinking Dr. Pepper.
SmashingBros: Umm... never mind.
Ridley: Mewtwo, you're the most serious guy here, so why are you laying down on the job?
Mewtwo: Everyone needs their breaks sometimes.
Everyone is alert after a loud sound is heard in the distance, followed by loud footsteps running in their direction.
energyman2289: Who's here?
Running around the corner, followed by a giant dustcloud, is some stupid ginger kid in armor.
Roy: I LIKE CHEESE DO YOU LIKE CHEESE I DO A LOT LOT LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT I DREAM ABOUT CHEESE HERE HAVE SOME CHEESE JUST WATCH OUT IT'LL BREAK AFTER A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF USES
Roy gives Ridley some cheese.
Roy continues to go up to everyone and give them cheese.
Roy: HEY YOU I LIKE CHEESE DO YOU LIKE CHEESE I DO A LOT LOT LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT HOLY SHIT YOUR HAIR IS FUCKING MESSY DUDE GET A HAIRCUT
energyman2289: The fuck you say about my hair, my hair is AMAZING.
Roy gives Energyman some cheese.
Roy: HEY I LIKE CHEESE DO YOU LIKE CHEESE I DO A LOT LOT LOOOOOOOOOOOOOT DUDE WHY DO YOU LOOK SO ANGRY AND CONSTIPATED DO YOU HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT?!?!?
Mewtwo: ...The fuck is wrong with you?
Roy: I JUST LIKE CHEESE
Roy gives Mewtwo some cheese.
Roy: HEY YOU I LIKE CHEESE DO YOU LIKE CHEESE I DO A LOT LOT LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT SEE I LIKE IT A LOT THATS WHY I ADDED AN EXTRA O
Roy gives SmashingBros some cheese.
Roy: HEY YOU I LIKE CHEESE DO YOU LIKE CHEESE I DO A LOT LOT LOOOOO-
Radori: Shut the fuck up.
Roy: I ONLY GOT TO SAY 5 O's YOU BUTTFUCK NO CHEESE FOR YOU
Roy gives Radori no cheese.
Roy: HEY YOU I LIKE CHEESE DO YOU LIKE CHEESE I DO A LOT LOT LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT HOLY SHIT WHAT KIND OF GLASSES ARE THOSE THEY LOOK LIKE SOME SHIT FROM A SCI-FI MOVIE ALSO YOU HAVE BOOBS ARE YOU A GIRL I LIKE GIRLS A LOT BUT NOT AS MUCH AS CHEESE HERE HAVE SOME CHEESE
Mikokiri: Uh, come again?
Roy gives Mikokiri some cheese.
Miko then starts to shove the cheese down Roy's throat while he chokes on it. All the others then throw rocks at him and kick him until he is on the ground. Then they all punch him while Ridley throws him into the canyon.
Roy: AT LEAST I GOT TO EAT CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEsssssseeeeeee-
Ridley: That was fucking stupid.
energyman2289: Hey I still have my cheese.
And then they walk away from Vikkager Mountain, thinking about what the fuck just happened and how they accomplished nothing. They also wonder why they still have their cheese.
Will they eat their cheese? Does the cheese accomplish something ever? Does Roy stop doing drugs? Find out in the next chapter of RidleyFAQs!
The characters that appear in this story, listed as first appearance to most recent appearance:
- Meta Ridley
- Rosalina (And Luma)
A more detailed list can be found here. This list is simple for that reason.
- Chapter 19's title stems from the fact that everyone was rooting for it to be the 500th post in the original topic, but AuraWielder accidentally posted instead, closing the topic before Chapter 19 could be published.
- The original topic got to 500 with no problem, but the second was modded after about 180 posts. The third was modded after 12.