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Masahiro Sakurai
Real sakurai
Information
Species Human
Homeworld Earth
Series Reality
Affiliation Miyamoto (Spouse)
Bill (Mistress)
Kirby (Older Child)
Kid Icarus Uprising (Younger Child)
Iwata and Reggie (Parents)
Ganondorf (Father)
Toon Link (Brother)
Captain Falcon (Half Brother)
Sakuraj (Brother)
Samurai (Ancestor)
Dark Pit (Illegitimate Bastard Child Raised by a College Student Prostitute)
Pit (Adopted child)
Palutena (Adopted child)
Viridi (child)
Hades (disowned son)
Gender Male

Masahiro Squanto Sakurai, not to be confused with Sakuria, SakurajSamurai, or Sakurai, is the creator of the Super Smash Bros series. Is known to hate his fans and troll them continuously, according to GameFAQs. In reality, he appreciates the people who appreciate him, and he doesn't actually troll, that's just an excuse people make up to explain how their favorite still has a chance, so yeah, he's a pretty cool guy. 

FamilyEdit

Sakurai has a wife, a daughter, and a cat.

Ganondorf is somewhat of a contradiction---in Smash Brothers, he's both powerful, yet sometimes comes across as a little worn down, a little tired. In a way, he was greatly influenced by my late father who passed away shortly beforehand.

—Sakurai on his father.

The most interesting family member he has, however, is his late father. See, when he was a child, he viewed his father as a strict-disciplinarian- he feared but respected his father. But upon growing up, he realized that his father, a man he had until then seen as a powerful figure (specifically a king) was often out of breath and limped along. Why did Sakurai ever fear his father so much, he wondered?

LifeEdit

Masahiro Squanto Sakurai is the creator of the Super Smash Bros series, as well as the Kirby series, Kid Icarus: Uprising, and some other games. Sakurai posts the Pics of the Day and he's been known to troll and *laugh* a lot. And he's biased.

Sakurai is basically God in this universe. Every time you trip, it's because he willed it.

Rumor is, Nintendo has spies everywhere for him, including GameFAQs. Sakurai is said to punish those who speak against him.

Also, he likes chicken-flavored ice cream.

LinksEdit

Sakurai's Miiverse posts

Sakurai's Twitter

DeathEdit

Yes, I'm still alive.

—Sakurai, less than 24 hours before his death.

Sakurai was attacked on April 9, 2014 at 8:05 am at Namco Bandai Japan after angry Mewtwo fans stormed the building after the announcement of Greninja in Super Smash Bros. Sakurai was apparently carried to the top floor of the building where the fans threw him out the window saying "You must recover!". Upon impact Sakurai broke every bone in his body. An angry fan then stole a steamroller and flattened Sakurai's remains. A Mewtwo plush was discovered in his office sitting in his chair.

Sakurai later appeared alive and healthy during the Super Smash Bros. Invitational. However, this was just Sakurai trolling as usual, and he was still dead the whole time.

During the 50 Fact Extravaganza, Sakurai did not appear at all due to his death. Instead, Xander Mobus had to take over for him. 

He showed up again in the June 2015 video revealing Roy and Ryu, but it was later revealed that this video was actually datamined and was not official confirmation that he was alive, hence why it wasn't shown as part of the digital event.

He resurrected himself with the hopes and dreams of the fanbase for the December 15, 2015 Direct to feed on the hatred of his supporters by announcing both yet another Fire Emblem character and the alleged ballot winner. Upon announcing that these were the last characters, a horde of angry furries murdered him in the hopes of using his soul to bring back their beloved Wolf.

Instead, we got Genei Ibun Roku #FE.


Sakurai was thought to have returned for the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate video at E3, but once Daisy was revealed, it turned out that this was actually Michaeloll in disguise. Several years ago, when he went to Nintendo's HQ and threatened them, telling them to put Daisy in Smash "or else," it turned out he wasn't lying. As a result, Michaeloll is now known to actually be the current director.

GalleryEdit

Bias Edit

Has seriously no one added this to his page yet?

Anyway Sakurai is basically Bias incarnate. His bias is the literal reason for the Zelda series being sorta badly represented (Toon Link is still basically tiny Link, Falcondorf still exists because of his own father, and Zelda is actually no longer trash as of Ultimate), Fire Emblem and Kid Icarus being way too represented in Melee, and Meta Knight in Brawl.

He has black knights that will attack his bias and beyond while others loves his bias simply because he supposedly shafts the DK and Metroid series. Others thankfully simply see attacking a man for making a game because he didn't cater to one crowd in particular as unprofessional. The logic behind these black knights is that in their own words, adding something you and a minority want into a game for your own pleasure and/or marketing is shameless and shows that you are kinda selfish. According to them, it's fine to troll, but when it comes to actual content of a game, it's crossing the line. Because of this, people think they could do a better job at directing than Sakurai. Of course, he has only one response to this:

Have you ever made a game?

TriviaEdit

  • According to energyman2289, his middle name is Squanto.
  • He was likely one of eight tourists involved with making the staff of a subway place panic and fuck up orders.
  • He owns an Xbox 360, PSVITA, and a PSVITA TV.
  • He probably owns a PS3 too.
  • Still no 3DS, though. Seriously, look at his Miiverse page.
  • Despite his death, Sakurai is expected to return as the director for the next Smash Bros., considering both Melee and Brawl were his last Smash Bros. games as well.
  • Is most likely fired after the backlash of fans.
    • He's not.
  • Is the single worst director in the history of directing, aside from Michael Bay.
    • Fortunately, Smash 4 fixed this with all of the new bombs he added in.
  • Was raped by Ridley fans as a child and is still butthurt. Why do you think he says he is too big.
    • This is why Ridley is such a fearsome beast in his reveal trailer. Crushing Mario's skull is how Sakurai feels about him.
  • Had feces thrown at him at a zoo when visiting with parents as a small child. The DK bias has yet to cease since.
  • He was obviously the person that decided to add Tingle over Skull Kid for the Majora's Mask DLC pack for HW despite having no connection to the Legend of Zelda team or Koei Tecmo.
  • Miiverse seems to think that the arm thing he has is just a broken arm. It's actually much worse, unfortunately.
    • Bill says he's gotten better, though!
  • Because he is a biased fuck, people suspect that he isn't going to put in the winner of the Ballot, and instead either 2nd or 3rd place. Also since the ballot was never an election and was always more of a suggestion box.
    • As it turns out, this is what happened. Even though Shrek and Goku won the ballot, he put in Bayonetta instead, that monster.
  • He once nerfed Ness after losing a match to Bill.
  • He hates Waluigi, just like everyone else.