Kooky_Von_Koopa is a user on the Smash Bros board. He has been visiting the board from as far as 2011, he is known for being a loyal and respectable supporter and admirer of the and the Pokémon character Mewtwo and for his many cringe-worthy punchlines. He always gets 60-days Purges even with questionable reasons for his moderations every New Moon, and despite trying to make new alternate accounts, always ends up falling in a moderator's trap, forcing every single alternate account to be either banned or Read-Only forever. He isn't Purged anymore.
Kooky (sometimes called Koops or Kooky_Ban_Koopa) used to visit the Mario Kart 8 board, but when unbanned visits the Smash and Warflame boards. Related to Mario Kart, he admitted he cried upon the reveal of the Koopalings. He is also known for being a big admirer of Mewtwo, and is the founder of the "The Mewtwo Foundation for Reason and Science", which is nothing but a topic of Mewtwo aficionados (which died quickly). He also ran many eons ago a series that got popular called "Mewtwo vs. The World", which pitted Mewtwo against various characters on who is the most wanted character for Smash 4 on GameFAQS and it reached over 150 rounds.
As of right now he has stopped posting on the boards, not by will but due to his banishment by the
unfair moderations he has received by various users and mods who despise him for no reason posting inflammatory things such as the infamous Navy Seal copy pasta and posting "ayy lmao"
He's back now and has decided he will avoid Warflame for his account's sake.
And this time, he's got stories...
Mario wakes up screaming again due to the night terrors he has had since the warEdit
"I experienced it Luigi, as an innocent Goomba stood in front of me. And I impacted him, killing me! The one above all was so angry, he didn't hesitate on entirely murdering every single Goomba and Koopa around. At some point I made it into one of Bowser's ships. And there was, a young koopa! His name echoes on me every single night, his name was Larry! And Ludwig! And they were 7 children! I was forced by control to kill them, to step on them, leaving these innocent children to death and make them crash to death! All to support the rich! Am I doing the right thing, Luigi? Is it really an awful thing to do? After all these kids would end up becoming Bowser, I thought. So I killed them. Crushed their skulls as they desperately tried to escape from inside their shells. And destroyed their ships alongside them as their corpses were burning! Many Koopas became walking skeletons! But... damn it! But their screams! Their faces as they melted with the fire! I can't forget them! I WAS JUST TRYING TO SAVE THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM, YOU KNOW LUIGI!"
Luigi was trying to think on something to say, but he was too distracted by the erection he just got.
Ganondorf kills Link but faces the greatest regret in his entire lifeEdit
"For thousands of years I have been waiting for this moment, as I lay sealed in a safety cage. Calculations and preparations were made for this very moment, the culmination of my ultimate plan. I spent thousands upon thousands of rupees for this glorious day, and almost ruined my finances. I destroyed villages, murdered innocent people to spend rupees on this day.
Hiding as an innocent mage, it took me years to win the trust of many Smash fighters. I tricked Link and various Smash fighters into buying what I called "Stamina Potion". It wasn't a mere potion, but it contained minerals capable of releasing even the highest levels of dopamine on their skulls. They never wondered why "Good Grandpa Mage" was giving them these potion for free.
Slowly I saw as they became more addicted, and entered into powerful states of ecstasy. For Master Hand's sake, I can't count the times Peach and Zelda were begging me to blow me so I could give them more potion. It wasn't until the last phase of my plan came to be.
I made a new potion that would break their skulls. They didn't care that it tasted like putrid berries and had a different color. They thought it would be another sweet kiss from Ganny. But I mixed peyote cactus, psycolobin and many other extracts of carefully selected androgens to stimulate aggression.
My only regret when everyone started ripping off their faces, and stabbing each other in a violent conflict as I safely sealed myself in a cage...
Is that I should have been there with them. "
Luigi wakes up Mario, who is experiencing existencial crisisEdit
"There is no such thing such as hours, Luigi. The flow of time is but an illusion, the fabric of space an existential prison. We are pawns of a game itself, but a product from the higher beings, and we are puppets of a lesser higher being."
Luigi tries to understand Mario's words, but just stares at him without blinking. Mario gets even more depressed and closes his eyes as he moves to the other side of the bed.
"Well, fuck me sideways " said Mario without realizing the consequences of his own words.
Peach cries, suddenly realizing this is what her mommy warned her aboutEdit
She wishes she listened and didn't take candy from this demon king. Mommy said that if she didn't listen, she would be really hurt. Peach is afraid, shaking and trembling in fear. She wants mommy. All she wants is to hug mom and eat a sweet cake...
Bowser notices and looks at her. "You should be aware you should have paid for the candy. Nothing in this world is for free. Keep crying after I am done with you!"
Ten years of mental anguish, eight Koopa kids, and hundreds of therapy sessions later, you can visit Princess Peach's burial on front of the castle, in top of a big statue of her smiling.
Roy speaks to the Unlicensed Doctor Mario about his issue with his pillsEdit
"I started taking these pills you have given me, and they don't work. Now, last time I took the pills I entered into a desperation rage, I started by shaking and punching everything in my house. I destroyed my living room, and started slashing everything with my sword, to the point I caused an arson. My wife dumped me in fear, and my family says I dishonoured them and I turned into a tyrant. I lost my two children, and I am truly upset. I killed many of my soldiers, burning them to dust with my flame-burning sword...
Now, I don't want to say you are a fraudulent Doctor, but despite taking all these pills, I still can't get an erection!"
Mario's night terrors no longer caused Luigi to stir...Edit
"MAMA MIA!" screamed Mario in full potence, facing Koopa Troopas only his imagination could see. Somewhere in the skies of World 7 on an Airship, Luigi stirred fitfully, coincidentally having disturbed by dreams of what he had done on the name of the Mushroom Kingdom. In both bedrooms of the Mario Bros., a fire flower was beckoned, for vastly different reasons.
Unlicensed Doctor Mario's regret and his actions of redemptionEdit
Our favourite unlicensed Doctor was feeling pretty awful for his sins. While he was drunk, he told Luigi "You know Luigi, despite my biggest mistakes, I feel there is good in us. I mean, thanks to me many toadettes in this kingdom are having children by surprise, yet I am the one to blame? It was a gift, a gift Luigi!" He weeps, and says, "Tomorrow, I will make these women who accuse me of sexual abuse wrong, that I truly mean good, and I will make these babies happy"
On the other day, the unlicensed Doctor was taken to death sentence. He was accused of the death of over 30 babies, for trying to send them all to heaven through balloons.
Ganondorf, oh what a lonely kingEdit
*This story is inspired from the masterful Primus song Mrs. Blaileen*
Ganondorf as a child was often the product of humiliation because he always had low scores. He was often humiliated by everyone, even other low scored characters such as Palutena, who called him the King of Porkness. Rosalina, the most arrogant princess in town, was another bully, who often bullied Ganondorf too. Ganondorf was always the target, because he was slower than the others. When he was young, his father died from a choke with some flamin' food.
The fashion of the day was cool capes with some bleached hair. Ganny went home and bleached poorly some of his hair, and when he went to school he left his chair and desk full of bleach everywhere. Poor Ganny, the students mocked him to no avail, making him feel like an asshole.
Ohhh what a lonely boy.
Ganny, Mewtwo and Bowsy, three inseparable friends who were different than the others. The trio were like brothers, until Mewtwo was kicked outta school for unknown reason. And poor Bowsy was tricked to fall into some volcano. Here along came a young kid named Link, who thought he was a big thing. He enjoyed harassing chickens, bugs, and boy did he love to break pots.
One day Ganny was walking from secretly stealing some cooking stuff from "Seven Sages and Beyond." Linko came around with some wood sword accompanied by some androgynous weirdo. The took Ganny's cape and started taunting him. Link started hitting the poor boy with his wooden sword, while the androgynous ninja weirdo was running around, taunting and playing hide 'n' seek with Ganny's cape on his hand. Ganny lunged forward with a knife, as the two kids ran away crying to their homes.
Ganny went to his home, where he saw his mom, and gave him a red-tainted knife to her, saying "I think I hurt Link"
Oh what a lonely king.
Bowser Jr. is interviewed and expresses his thoughts on his fatherEdit
Bowser Jr.: "Well I was just thinking about my childhood. When I was growing up, my dad was my hero; the beacon of hope for me. He used to give me gifts home from his travels, lots of really interesting things from around the world. His job had him fly all across the Mushroom World, all kinds of neat places. I'll never forget the first gift he ever bought me, it was this ragged little Geno doll that was clearly used. It was so ugly and stained and torn up that I cried when he gave it to me. I asked him why he would give me something so gross and lame. He said 'Son, this belonged to a boy like you- but you're the only prince in the world, so I want you to have it' I kept that doll for years; it comforted me in his absence."
Doctor Mario: "I'm sorry, Bowser Jr. Did you father pass away?"
Bowser Jr.: "No, he's alive. He's rotting in a prison. One day, on a business trip to the Mushroom Kingdom, he was arrested for kidnapping and murder. Soon after, he was linked to the deaths of 23 children Toads across the Mushroom Kingdom. He would kill them, take their favourite toy and bring it to me. I've only spoken to him once since all of this. He said: 'Junior, I did this for you. Only you deserve to live.' How ironic it is that I'm plagued by thoughts of suicide because he said that."
Doctor Mario: "I am so sorry to hear about that, Bowser Jr. How have the last days been for you at school?"
Bowser Jr.: "Terrible, I get bullied all the time. Even my teachers treat me awful. There is this teacher, her name is Medusa. She humiliates everyone in the classroom. I am her primary target, maybe because I have had the worst scores, I failed my "How to reveal your entire plan to a Hero before a Final Battle" seminary. Of course she doesn't know my father's in jail. I once felt happy, thanks to the Koopalings, and went to school with confidence and..."
On that moment Bowser Jr. starts sobbing. As Doctor Mario heads to his bathroom to look for a cloth for Junior to clear his teary eyes, a hit is heard, something is heard hitting the floor, and "Doctor" Mario comes back, strangely dressed in a whole black dirty coat. He gives the paper to Bowser Jr.
Unlicensed Doctor Mario: "Well, kid, keep talking."
Bowser Jr.: "I went you know, dressing a fine, shiny Koopa shell. But I accidentally spilled some glue, and Medusa got really mad. Started screaming at me and how terrible I am. I started crying, and Medusa called me a 'Stupid, crying scum. I bet your father is disappointed in you.' Instead of feeling better I cried more, and left the classroom running. I felt so alone and went fishing nearby.
On that moment came Ganondorf Jr., he thought he was kind of a big deal, and started harassing me. Usually Ludwig would protect me from him, but he has been missing since a terrible Airship accident. Anyway, I was alone, and Ganon came to me and said "Today I was taught the letter 'I' and 'Eye' doesn't start with 'I' but my fishhook doesn't care!' and threw a hook at my eye. I was infuriated, and had a fish knife in hand, and he left crying home."
Unlicensed Doctor Mario: "Interesting story, hehehe, keep going, kid."
Bowser Jr.: "In that moment I went back home. Wendy came to me and asked me why I was full of red ink, she looked at my knife, and I told her 'I think I hurt Ganondorf Jr.'"
Unlicensed Doctor Mario: "Well done, well done..."
Bowser Jr.: "Doctor, when will I recover from all this suffering?"
Unlicensed Doctor Mario: "You will never recover from suffering. Because Sakurai, in all his infinite cruelty, created a Hell for children, kiddo. And here you are."
His name is based of Kooky Von Koopa, the name of Ludwig in the Super Mario cartoons. He once claimed he didn't like his username at first, but then fell in love with it.