| Solid Snake | |
|---|---|
| |
| Information | |
| Species | Human Clone Thing |
| Homeworld | Some Kind of Earth With Many Boxes |
| Series | Metal Gear!? |
| Affiliation | Pretty Princess Contestant Bombshell Booty Fitness Instructor |
| Gender | Male |
| “ |
Kept you waiting, huh? |
” |
—Snake | ||
Snake is a combination of a spy, mercenary and special operations agent. He was a newcomer in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, but he was cut from Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and 3DS game reasons. He's back in SmUsh though.
Several people correctly thought he was replaced by either Pac-Man or Mega Man. Several people would actually prefer Simon Belmont over Snake as a Konami representative, but unfortunately that would require Sakurai to get off of Kojima's balls. Which he did by the time Uktimatè came in my.
Snake is a tough, rugged soldier that has the tightest ass in smash. That thing is so dummy thicc that every time he runs, a loud clapping sound can be heard. Players don't know whether to choose Captain Falcon or Snake as the thickest male in Smash, as it's a hard decision to make when both of them are packing some heavy cakes.
Contrary to what the Jedi will tell you, Snake is in Super Smash Bros 4. He's just hiding. But someone found him, so he's back in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.
Why Snake Was Included In Smash[]
Snake's creator, Kojima “Big Dick” Walters, wanted his best friend forever Johnny “ You” Sakurai to put him in MEEEELEEEEEEEEEEEE. Sakurai accepted, but just like Sonic 06's quality, he was not added due to time constraints. So he got added in Brawlolol.
Why Snake Was Cut[]
There were several reasons why he may have been cut:
- Richard Simmons Belmondo is more wanted than Snake, as determined by totally unbiased polls on GameFAQs obviously representative of the entire Smash Bros community.
- Realistic guns is a big no-no in Smash. Snake didn't use them in Brawl anyway, but this is still an argument for some reason. His Nikita doesn't count because it's a ing fictional creation of Hideo Kojima's warped mind.
- Snake has less history with Nintendo compared to Sonic, Mega Man and Pac-Man. This didn't exactly stop him from getting into Brawl, and now we have Cloud, a character with even less history with Nintendo, but shhhhhhh.
- Adding Snake was a one-time favor. We know this because we know every detail of Smash's development.
- Luigi, Peach, Samus, Wii Fit Trainer, Lucas and Captain Falcon don't need more competition. This is unarguable.
- He's too big. Snake has been proven to be larger than Ridley and K. Rool.
- Snake's body is trying to rip off Captain Falcon's body. Just wait for the golden nipples.
- He's not cartoony and kid friendly enough, putting aside some of the more questionable acts of our favorite Nintendo all-stars, such as Toon Link ruthlessly murdering a middle eastern man by stabbing the Master Sword through his brain, Samus destroying an entire planet, killing all life on it. Twice. Bayonetta’s everything, and Corrin literally drugged a girl. But they can all be forgiven since Toon Link has issues, Samus has big , Bayonetta got voted in, and Corrin is a Fire Emblem character and is therefor protected by Sakurai bias.
- He may raise up the rating of the game from E if included, because, Snake's presence was the reason Brawl was rated T, not the fact that Master Hand bleeds and you can Peach's panties. Also, Melee was rated T, was Snake in that? No? Why was it rated T? Is Jigglypuff too smexy for an E rating? Is the ESRB broken? Did Bush do 9/11? I dunno.
- Metal Gear Solid V isn't being released for any Nintendo consoles. Sonic's last game before his Super Smash Bros. Brawl reveal was Sonic 06, which was also not on any Nintendo console, but that game was so it doesn't count. The Olympics with Mario happened, but no one cares. Metal Gear Solid 4 was also not on the Wii when Snake was included in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, so this is a too big and important deal that isn't inflated at all, but people still think Nintendo should get the game if they put Snake in because fair.
- Pac-Man was announced at E3 and not him. That actually was pretty damning.
- Hardly anyone would want him in if he was not begged his way in. Like how hardly anyone would want Captain Falcon or the Ice Climbers if they weren't already in. Wait... I think that argument might be flawed.
- Sonic has had more games on Nintendo consoles in two years than Snake has had in twenty years, even though Snake has had 6 games on Nintendo consoles, but most people can't count good. Still more. But the Olympics subtracts a few because of how they are. Snake was included into Smash before Sonic, so no one gives a .
- You think I'd lay down and die.
- I'll cut you.
- He probably doesn't even have a trophy, unlike Rayman
- Dark Pit is the new edgy character for this game, and because snake was edgy, Sakurai had to cut snake so his precious baby didn't have any opponents in the edgyness competition.
- None of this matters anymore because he's back in Ultimate. HOOOOOOOOOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Snake's Ass[]
Snake has one of the best es in the game. It's awesomeness level is up there with Luigi, Falcon, Samus, Wii Fit Trainer, and Peach. People think that the only reason Sakurai agreed to put Snake in the game is that he could do wonders with his .
Trivia[]
- Snake is competing with Captain Falcon over Samus's affection.
- You can not touch Snake's unless granted permission by Colonel.
- He is not actually a Snake.