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Captain Stabbin'
Captain Stabbin'!
Information
Species DemiGod
Walrus/Human mix
Current Location The S.S. Wench-Fucker floating over the Indian Ocean
Series Family Guy/energyman2289
Affiliation Van Halen's Backup Drummer
Sex Yes
Fucks He Gives Zero

Captain Stabbin' is a fictional character from a pornographic film originally from Family Guy. He is a potential newcomer for Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and 3DS.

If you are unfamiliar with the character, please refer to here: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R0UXH-68dcA

Captain Stabbin'? Really?

Hell yes. I'll tell you why. Captain Stabbin' is the greatest potential character to be included in anything ever.

He was remembered randomly by energyman2289 at around 9:10 AM on May 5, 2014 during a game of floor hockey in his high school's gymnasium. When his team proceeded to score a goal, energyman2289 would shout such things as "Captain Stabbin' just found a treasure chest! He just got himself a platinum belly button ring!" or "Captain Stabbin's got two eye patches! He doesn't need to see shit, he knows all!"

On a side note, Captain Stabbin's newcomer photo will be "Captain Stabbin' just dropped the anchor!"

Moveset Potential

While Captain Stabbin' has never been seen on Family Guy, energyman2289 proceeded to pick up on the joke.

Captain Stabbin' has a variety of attacks. First, he carries a midieval mace instead of a sword, and a small shield that resembles Cassandra's from Soul Calibur IV. He also has egg in his beard to give off that new pirate smell, which could also be worked into his moveset somehow.

It should also be noted that Captain Stabbin's right leg is a peg-leg, his left hand is a hook covered in whale shit, and he wears an eyepatch over each eye socket, leaving him completely blind. Even with these weaknesses, he'd still be OP as fuck.

His final smash is his ship, the S.S. Wench-Fucker. It has a large wooden mast spray painted to look like a penis, and its sail is a giant picture of "hot lesbian on lesbian action."

Appearance

Captain Stabbin'

Captain Stabbin' in his early days, before he got all his bitches.

Captain Stabbin' wears a large fluffy purple coat. His left hand is a hook. It was violently ripped off of his arm while fisting a virgin in one of his more recent pornos. He also lost his right leg from the intense final battle between him and Captain Crunch. Although his leg was severed, Captain Stabbin' knocked off Captain Crunch's genitalia with a mace, and proceeded to feast on his internals. Captain Stabbin' now wears a peg-leg. His captain's hat's front logo is a single titty. Captain Stabbin' has long blackish grey hair, and a large blackish grey beard with raw egg stuck in it.

Captain Stabbin' likes to accessorize as well. He wears a platinum belly button ring, and a fanny pack that says " I <3 Mom" with many useful items such as 8 different scalpels and a light blue double dildo.

Additional Notes

  • Hasn't showered since November 13, 1962.
  • Voted "Sexiest Man Alive" in 1986.
  • He stands at a mighty 6'11".
  • After a glorious victory of destroying some other shit-fucker's ship, Captain Stabbin' and his mateys celebrate by guzzling rum. Captain Stabbin' however doesn't like rum 'cause it tastes like liquid shit, so he secretly replaces the rum in his bottle with a kiddie cocktail (his favorite beverage) to avoid criticism from his lads.
  • Captain Stabbin' rounds up the hoes by playing a cowbell with his light blue double dildo. He has also chocked 19 of them to death with it.
  • Captain Stabbin' has been "challenged" by the mentally challenged The Shockmaster. He just laughed at the thought. He's popped bigger whales with his hook that that one! (And he was hammered drunk)
  • Fuck you, The Shockmaster.
  • energyman2289 forgot to add both eyepatches to the drawn picture of Captain Stabbin'.

Known Supporters

Add yourself or others you know to this list if you / they are Captain Stabbin' supporters.

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